Sunday, April 26, 2009

Regarding Anonymity and Broken Links

[A]nonymity is very important to me, and I don't want to be recognized in public more than I already am.

-- Todd Solondz, as quoted in an "Believer"
    magazine interview, pub. Feb. 2005.

It's been a few weeks since my last post and things have been busy. I'm still here and still working through the various details that one has to handle when cleaning up a messy situation. I'm not going to share too many of those details at the moment, for it seems that JP and I are on an antagonistic vector and I don't want to exacerbate the situation, nor do I want to provide information that she can use to hurt me further.

The trust relationship has been severely damaged and she has chosen to ignore that consequence. For the near future, then, I need to be circumspect in the information I allow to be public.

(And that's a difficult place for me to arrive at. Not that long ago, she was the most trusted person in my life. But that's a story for a different time, perhaps when things are more settled and there is more distance from recent events.)

In the mean time, I have an important request for those who read and comment on my blog. Some of you know personal details about my RL identity. I ask that you keep those details private. Please do not use my RL name in your comments; please do not refer to my employer, my children, or even my pets by their RL names. If you want to refer to them in your comments, please use the names I use in these posts. When you refer to me, please call me "footpad" in this well as others where I use this ID.

Over the next few weeks, I will post a "cast of characters" as a cheat sheet. I will also do some other clean-up. I'm planning a makeover on the "look" of the blog and a review of the "feel." It's a project that should give me something to do in the lonely evenings when I'm rattling around an empty house.

When finished, I hope things look and feel more professional, like an upgrade should.

I originally started this blog after JP and I separated the first time and I used it as a platform to work through the grief I felt at the time. When we later reconciled, I deleted the previous material and started over.

The impending makeover will again "reboot the franchise" so to speak, but I will not be deleting the previous posts. While I no longer link to (or read, for that matter) JP's current (as of this writing) blog, I will not be removing or repairing links to her previous work.

She has chosen to break the connection between us and I feel that the broken links will serve as a nice reminder of that decision. I may change my mind in the future, but that's the current plan.

In the mean time, this blog is my private area to say the things that are in my heart, to share the stories of my experience, and to work through the ideas that make me the person I am. These are things I do not feel I cannot say publically, for they may cause pain to others. Out of respect for their privacy (and a desire to minimize litigation), I'll anonymize and pixelate personally identifying details. I'll change the details of the folks involved in the story, but not the events that occurred.

I may describe an office worker as a teacher and fictionilize the backstory to make that consistent; however, the actions of the teacher and the consquences of those actions will be based on what happened in RL. This may be confusing for those of you who know me in RL. That's OK. Feel free to ask me whatever you need to or want to. I will be as honest as I feel I can.

And, JP, if you happen to read this, please remember that once upon a time, there was love and respect between us. During that time, I had access to your private writings and that I could have chosen to read them without your knowledge or permission. Please remember that I did not do so. I respected your privacy and left you the freedom to have a space that was yours and yours alone. Until such time as we're able to repair the trust relationship, I ask that you behave with similar integrity. This is my space. You have yours. Let's respect each other enough not to intrude into places where we have not been formally invited.


Photo credit: JF Sebastian


Blogger weebug said...

respect and trust are the foundation of many things. to have that broken on so many levels must an immeasurable entity. for those who have come to know your honesty and integrity, know that the support and caring is real.

10:53 AM  
Blogger chulita4 said...

Although I have no idea what you must be feeling, I do know that a day will come when you will feel so different about this situation. When you will be able to perhaps respect her for her honesty and for having the courage to do what she needed to do. You are too sensitive and good a person not to. I watched as my sister's ex-husband went through the exact same process and if you had asked us all back then if we ever thought he would come to accept and respect my sister's decision, we all would have answered, "Are you crazy??!!! He's never gonna get over this!!" He was that hurt and angry at her. I don't know what was the turning point for him, but after so much pain and anger he eventually did get beyond it and he is a much happier person now. You have a right to feel exactly what you are feeling. Let it happen, it is all part of life......your life.....and it will, in the end, make you a much better person for that one woman who IS out there--most likely going through HER stuff as well, in order to be ready when the Universe brings you together. Perhaps I have no right to write these words, but I truly feel them in my heart for you. Take care, are exactly in the place you need to be at in your journey through this life.

11:19 AM  
Anonymous perpstu said...

I have nothing but hugs for you. This is a shifty situation and if writing about it and letting it out helps you process and heal, I will always be here to read. (hugs)

1:33 PM  
Anonymous On a limb with Claudia said...

Personally, this is one thing I advise all divorcing people - manage information like a bulls eye. Only give the real story to people who are the closest. It's a great way to do damage control, and maintain sanity.

Everyone has an opinion about something - don't give them food to hurt you!

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm waiting for more.

4:47 AM  
Blogger paris parfait said...

Better days ahead - truly. Keep reminding yourself this is only temporary. A month from now, things will seem better. A month after that, even better. And so on and so on, as you begin rebuilding your life and perhaps making necessary changes to create your own happiness. You are stronger than you think; this storm will pass and you'll see the sun break through the clouds.

6:32 AM  
Blogger Giggles said...

I agree with Tara...I'm hoping one day you look back gratefully at the changes....for now ...stay strong!!

Hugs Giggles

7:25 AM  

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