Change Happens

And it came to pass that change became necessary.

There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to blurt it out and go from there.

JP and I have decided to part ways; we're going to divorce.

There's no blame here. She's a good person, a terrific mother, and a truly giving friend. I'm a good man, a responsible husband, a loving father, and a devoted partner. We each deserve happiness, we each deserve genuine intimacy, and we each deserve partners who are also our devoted friends, confidantes, partners-in-crime, and lovers.

She's at a place in her life where she can no longer commit to trying to make that happen with me. If you've followed her blog, you know that she's been struggling to find her voice, trying to become that fulfilled person that we all long to be. She's been trying to find the path that leads her to self realization and self actualization.

And her path is taking her in a direction that doesn't include me. My path now lies in a different direction from hers.

This is the beginning of a long process, one that will be filled with many tears and much anguish. I expect to go through a lot of anxiety, fear, and soul-searching before it's over. For the moment, there is a small part of me that feels relief. I know what's going to happen. "What if?" has turned into "What is."

The next stage of my journey has begun. I wonder where it will lead. Hopefully...eventually...to my happiness. And if that's true (and I desperately hope it is), then I take my first steps with purpose.

It's true that my dreams are splintered and that my heart is broken. Much of my personal identity is wrapped up in the roles of father, husband, and lover. Not all, but much. There is great comfort in having someone to come home to, no matter how hectic...or complicated...things get.

This will be painful for our children, of course, though I'm quite certain we will work to comfort and support them through this. JP's older children live outside the house, so they're impacted less. DD will not be happy about this at all, but I also know she'll be able to come and go as she wishes and I'm sure there will be great comfort in that. I've already spoken to her other family and they support my desire to continue to be her step-father in spirit, if not in actual fact.

Kara will want to know how this affects her relationship with her "seester." They've really bonded. I know it's been hard for her to bond with JP without feeling like she's betraying her other mother. But, I'll help her through it. Truth be told, she'll probably want to try to help me through this. Ah, to be ten years old again.

I've been through this before, though. I survived. I'll survive this, too.

To our online (and RL) friends, I don't believe either one of us is going to ask you to take sides or to choose between us. I'm sure some of you will naturally gravitate to one or the other, but I also hope that some of you will choose to develop and maintain separate friendships with each of us. For those who'll lean toward her, thank you for allowing me to share, if only for a short time, your journey. I'll miss you.

For those who decide to stick around, thank you. I may not be much fun at cocktail parties for a little while, but I am looking forward to finding my balance and my future. Your help and support will be invaluable.

And, to JP, who I know will read this at some point, I'm sorry we couldn't find that place where we were both commited to the same thing. You know I love you with all my heart. You know how important our family is to me. You know how much I miss our time together. You've taught me much and I truly hope you find what you seek. Adieu, cherie. Adieu.

--f

Photo credit: Sea Turtle