Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Regarding A Lost Opportunity

The opportunity for doing mischief is found a hundred times a day, and of doing good once in a year.
-- "The Book of Fate," Voltaire

Today was a difficult day for me. The girls are on their mid-Winter breaks this week. This means DD gets to stay home (which is cool and fun) and it also means that we didn't get to see Kara today. School holidays have precedence over the usual residential schedule.

This year, the Parenting Plan says she's to spend her mid-Winter break with her mother. Since that's what the Parenting Plan says, that's what her mother ("Pamela") enforces.

What's particularly galling is that Pamela has put Kara in day care all week. When we have Kara, I usually take time off work...I make it a priority to spend at least some of the extra time with her, to try to let her know that we love her and that we appreciate having her around. To try to get to know her as a person...and to validate that person with love and support.

Further, I've told no uncertain terms...that we'd love to have any additional time with Kara that might be possible. I've offered free babysitting. She only needs to ask...and we'd be happy to take her.

But Pamela doesn't ask. It doesn't enter her head. Instead, she see Kara's time off as an extra expense and complication. In some ways, she treats Kara like a burden. (She's already told Kara that she plans to move back East when Kara turns 18...the age I can no longer object. She's already trying to pressure Kara into moving back East with her.)

This could have been a week that Kara could have spent with her family. It wasn't. That's a lost opportunity that can never be made up.

Of all the things we lose, opportunities are the most tragic...especially when they affect children.

I miss my daughter. I know I'll see her in a couple of days. (At least, I hope Pamela has that much integrity.) But I miss her now.

And I just needed to write about it.

Photo credit: CARF


Blogger JP/deb said...

I know this is hard ... I wish things were different for you and for Kara. I hope that as she gets older her voice will hold weight and these decisions will no longer be at the sole discretion of her mother. xx, JP

9:38 PM  
Blogger Shaz said...

This broke my heart Lance. I know as we have discussed the difficulties of being a parent with little control and I have to say she is such a cow.
It seriously erks me that she uses your sweet babe as pawn to hurt you because she hurts not only you but her most (supposedly) precious gift against you.
Does she not see??????
The upside is that kara WILL!!!!!!! with the love and support of you and Deb will learn the difference between true unconditional Love and "spite" its a hard way to learn but I predict that by the age of 18 she will stay and pamela will only be a visitor in her life from back east.
So sorry for you Honey wish I could give you a big Hug and at the moment I feel as though a good Aussie back hand for the ex wouldnt go astray either ;) xx

1:52 PM  

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